What if you have to make a decision to let your child advance to the next grade level or hold them back? Is there a way to make that decision without a heartwrenching agony that develops deep in the pit of your stomach and closely resembles nausea?
I don’t think so and I don’t know any parent who can easily say that they know the answer to that.
We have 2 conflicts going on inside of us when we are faced with this question.
1. You don’t want it to look like your child can’t perform at grade level (whether that be the reason for repeating a grade or not). We take this as some sort of personal failure when our child doesn’t do as well as expected. Of course no one is coming out and pointing and snickering at us but that’s the way it feels for many parents.
2. We worry that our children will suffer a blow to their social and emotional health by being held behind while their friends move up. It’s inevitable. Some things we do as parents we worry about whether or not its a disservice to them and will hurt their ability to socialize in the long run. The truth of the matter to this is that no matter how hard we try and no matter how good of a parent we are, we cannot protect their social ego. That is something we have to let them learn and navigate on their own. The best we can do is to support, love and guide them.
Holding a child back has to be an individual decision, that unless your school is saying that your child cannot move on to the next level, is one that should be made based on what you feel is best. Sometimes, holding a child back is best. Studies have clearly shown and most teachers will agree that if there is ever a time to hold a child back, Kindergarten and First grade is the best time because usually the reason a child is being held back is because they aren’t emotionally ready to move on. There is such a thing as social readiness and intellectual readiness. The two go hand in hand and one without the other can hurt the child’s ability to learn.
The best thing a parent can do is sit down and fully discuss the options with the teacher and find out the reasons why. Find out if there are other alternatives to holding a child back and if it is something that has to happen, do it with an open mind that it will help your child in the long run. Don’t focus on whatever negative feelings or reservations you might have about it because your child will pick that up and it will impact their view of the situation as well.
