We mostly only call it “GUILT” but really there are two sides to the guilt that parents go through.
The first one is inner guilt – This is probably the one that is most easily recognizable. It usually comes in the form over choosing to do something for yourself over doing something for the kids. Be it buying yourself those spiffy capris you’ve been eyeing. It comes in the form of cutting out time for you and your spouse and catching that flick you’ve both been dying to see. Or sending the kids to bed early so you can watch uninterrupted tv or get a bubble bath.
Sometimes its more serious inner guilt that we put upon ourselves. We choose to work on a Saturday, we cut vacations or short, or we don’t even take a vacation because finances are tighter than last year.
Whatever the reasons… We do it. We beat ourselves up and no doubt we are our best friend and our worst enemy at the same time.
The second type of guit is outer guilt – Oh this is my favorite! Hopefully though not many of us are swayed by this type of guilt, otherwise we will lead a long and painful life of trying to do what everyone else says is best for our kids.
By now I think you know what outer guilt is. It’s the mother in law who tells you that she gave her son cereal at only 6 weeks old. It’s the lady in the grocery store who wants to tell you that your baby need a hat.
Sometimes it’s the media who gives you the outer guilt, with catchy slogans telling you that you aren’t giving your baby the best unless you use “X” product. Yea right. But it can be subliminal too. It can be the Doctor or nurse who insists that you must breastfeed if you want a healthy baby. We usually like to call Outer Guilt, “good advice” but it is still guilt. It’s people telling or in some way insinuating that what you are doing is wrong because it isn’t the preferred or more popular way.
That’s when we take that outer guilt and make it our own inner hell. We dwell on what the mother in law, the doctor, or the lady at the store said. We second guess ourselves. Between what we do to ourselves and what we allow the outside to do to us, we can feel like we are pointed in a million different directions. Heaven forbid we choose the wrong direction to go in
So what can we do with all that guilt floating around inside us? It isn’t like belly button lint, where we can just dig it out and it will be gone. No, we have to find a way to conquer it. But how do you conquer and overcome something you might not even realize is happening until it’s almsot over?
Do you have ways to conquer or ignore the inner and the outer guilt? Which plagues you the most?
I learned a long time ago that I will always be burdened with both types of guilt but I’ve also learnt that I need treats for me & time for grown-up things & relationships because it makes me happy and a happy mommy is the best mommy for my son.
Hmmm…what kind of guilt is it when you spend the day at the beach and neglect to smear enough sunscreen all over your three little pumpkins bodies (who now look more like boiled lobsters???)
And as for how to deal with the guilt, call your best friend (who is also a guilty mother) and vent. If she is worth her salt, she will convince you that you are the best mom in the world and you have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about. And then she will offer to come over with a bottle of red wine to help cheer you up. (It works like a charm.)
Here, Here! So true. Guilt can rear it’s ugly head when you need compassion and love the most! My ways of overriding guilt is to think of all the great moments I do share with my children and family. A little “my time” isn’t too much in the full scheme of things!
Great thoughts ladies! madamspud abd cap, I agree we have to find time for ourselves to be the best mom! Bethany… You know I have been there and done the lobster thing. The kids wiggle so much I am lucky I get any sunscreen at all. I’ve been known to chase em down and sit on em and still wonder if I’ve missed a spot! You are not alone!