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I didn’t think I’d be starting the new year off so soon with a guilty parent award so soon but here I am, not pushing out one… but two!
Are you amazed?
I’m not.
I’ve noticed an emerging trend with today’s parents: They’re lazy.
I don’t just mean “fix your own dinner, ” lazy. I’m talking about a new generation of parents that seem to have a very lax attitude when it comes to finding out who their kids pal around with or even who the parents are to their friends.
I guess that makes me weird or old fashioned because I kind of like to meet the people who I’m entrusting to make sure nothing happens to my child while in their presence.
But that’s just me. I’m protective and responsible like that.
Shorty got invited to a friend’s house for a birthday party not to long ago. Now I couldn’t be home to meet the parents when they picked him up (I was on Zoe watch that day at the hospital) but I’m *hoping that hubs did take the time to greet this friend’s parents when they arrived. If not, he’s getting a big old Guilty Parent Award right upside the head.
The party was a sleepover and I arrived promptly to pick Shorty up the next morning. I knocked, was let in by an older sibling who let Shorty know I was here and then went back to watching the movie that was playing in the living room.
So I stood. And waited.
And waited some more.
Shorty finally came to see me, at my place of entry, the front door, begged to stay and then went back to retrieve his things when I said no. Then, I waited some more.
And more. At no point did I see or hear another adult. No one came to the door and introduced themselves to me, said “Hi I’m X’s mom” or dad, or whatever.
I later learned from Shorty that mom and dad were still in bed. I must have counted at least 5 boys during my wait, not including the older sibling or other boy who turned out to be sibling’s friend. Not one parent. Ever. I also learned that the blue marker Shorty was wearing on his face that morning was from the night before when the older sibling and his friend holding my son down and decorating him. Mom and Dad? In bed. Asleep.
They are so on top of things aren’t they?
I don’t know about you, but when my kids have a sleepover. I’m up in the morning with them. At least to make sure everyone eats, their things are picked up, no one leaves prescious items behind, messes are cleared… you name it, I’m on it. When parents show up I am there to say, “Hi. Thanks for letting him/her come. Had a great time,” blah, blah.
It’s polite.
It’s courteous.
It’s what responsible parents do.
Again, I’m weird like that.
So insert Shorty’s party and sleepover. He had a couple of friends over. One could stay the night and the other couldn’t. The one that could not got dropped off by his father. The man didn’t stop in, say hi, tell me what time he’d be back… nothing.
I. Never. Met. The. Guy.
Not once.
I had to ask the little boy (all of eight years old… maybe) when his dad was coming back for him in order to make sure he ate before dad arrived. (We had pizza).
When dad came back, he honked from his car. Never got out. Never came to the door for that important first parent meeting, introduction, or to even ask if his son was a hellion or not (he wasn’t. Very polite and quiet little guy (betcha he didn’t get that from his dad). Nope. Dad blew the horn a few times and then waited.
This is the part where I say… Are you kidding me? What cracker jack box did this poor kid get his dad from anyway? I mean seriously people! You can’t bother yourself to get out a car and come greet the host’s mom at the door and say “Thanks”? You can’t even be bothered to roll down the car window either.
Get a clue parents! This is how your kids turn into deviants when they’re older.
They get that you uninvolved and armed with that knowledge they will see the big picture that you aren’t going to tune into their lives anytime soon so why bother tell you where they are going or who they are going to be with. They know you won’t ask.
OK. So perhaps it isn’t the ONLY way but it’s a step in the right direction.
Your life is not so busy that you can’t take five minutes to find out who the adult supervision is that your child will be surrounded by for the next few hours or even days. You are trusting complete strangers to supervise and care for your children. Precious cargo.
I know that I may not get to meet every one of my kids friends’ parents but I try to make the effort. A phone call before they go to their house, walking them to the door… these things are important. To the moms and dad’s who never take the time to meet their friends’ parents, I have two words for you:
Get Involved.
It’s not that hard. Really.
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That was a great, solid post. We had our first sleepover last night, and I know the parents. We exchanged pleasantries anyway, just because that is what you do, to show you care. I don’t know how I will let go and let The Boy go to other people’s homes, sounds too stressful. Only four or five parents in his whole class even made it to Open House, and he is in the first grade!
Looking forward to more great reads,
Kelly
**shakes head**
Yep, been there, done that. I am still like you and my youngest is 17. He doesn’t get to go anywhere unless I know the people, know where he’s going, with whom, etc. All that stuff that kids hate (but secretly appreciate — he has even said so).
You’re a good mom!
Been there with this one too. Same example you gave about the parent not walking their child to the door and introducing themselves. I work full-time, go to school part-time and then go home and work the second shift. I have never missed an open house, a parent-teacher conference, etc. I make the arrangements. Now, I will not say that about my husband. I have to yell at him like a small child to actually pay any attention to our children, but maybe, it is a dad-thing, who knows?
I can not beleive how some parents can be. I have been there before too.You would think that the parents would want to know what kind of place his child is staying at or even that he has the right place! that is so insane. I also have the problem with my one daughters friend that her parents are never able to drive one way. You know it would be nice to split the chore in half. Anyhow…what can we do?
Reading this just gets me all steamed.
I mean, seriously – those are parents – they’re genetic donors and babysitters. Parents actually raise their children and get involved.
My daughter is only 6, but this past Summer made friends with some of the neighborhood kids. Let her play out in the front yard with them with the admonishment to ‘stay in our yard or the next door neighbor’s yard – NO crossing the street’ – went inside for long enough to get a glass of water and come back out with it… to see her and a half-dozen children that hadn’t been there before heading into the house across the street and three down. Literally as long as it took for me to walk in, get the glass, fill the glass, and walk back out – or I would’ve missed where they went.
She knew she was in trouble before I was half way across the street. “But why couldn’t I go in there Mommy? the neighbor’s kids were…”
1) because I told you not to leave the yard or cross the street and you had to have left as soon as the door shut for you to get down here, 2) because I don’t know those kids or their parents or who is in or not in the house! That brought on a long discussion about how the “neighborhood kids” all just roamed in and out of houses as they pleased and that their parents didn’t even know. They just send them outside and tell them not to come back in until called. These are kids ranging between 3 and 8.
That’s when we had the “different Mommies have different rules – you live by mine” talk. Then again, I show up at her school things, know her friends’ names and their interests, and will actually play with them. So she’s okay with that.
Great post – you struck a nerve with me clearly. lol.
I’m so glad I’m not the only parent (and in today’s society that word is thrown around so loosely) who sees that I’m not as whacked out as I look.
@Lucretia – the fact that the oldest kid running into strangers’ homes was 8 scares the tar out of me! I’m so glad you had the talk with your little girl though. I’ve had the “different houses, different rules” talk many times with my older 3 so much so that I should probably have it on tape somewhere because I know I’ll be repeating it with Peanut at some point.
@Shelli – I wish there was a way to split the chore but some parents are kind of clueless. I think I’d have to just pipe up and say, “Well I can pick up. How about if you drop off?” I’m not sure that would fix anything but it would be a start (and I’d keep saying it too. No matter how many times they turn you down. Some parents are thick like that).
@Kelly, Vicki, & Iana – I’m sorry you’ve all had similar experiences as I have but I’m glad I’m not alone and I’m not about to start changing the way I’m doing things, it would just be nice if more parents did it our way!
Nikki,
As old as my girls are (16) none of thier friends parents will let them stay out here in the country unless they meet me first. (Which I gladly make time for). Because I have met them I am also assured that they are in good hands when they stay with thier friends. Their was one exception, last summer, I finally met the mom at her daughter’s funeral. (Kristi’s Friend)