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I was having a discussion with a co-worker the other morning and we started talking about homework. She has three boys, two of them have homework on a nightly basis. I have two kids, only my daughter has homework about twice a week. My co-worker was complaining how she spends hours sitting with them, working on their homework at the dining room table. I mentioned I leave it up to my daughter to do her homework and if she chooses not to do, she will face the consequences. I don’t sit with her and I don’t do it for her.
I was told I am a mean, horrible, abusive parent and how could I do this to my child?
I was raised that my homework was my problem. So was my husband. I could ask for help, but my mom and dad did not sit with me and work on my homework. I sat at my desk in my room and did my homework. They were doing other things, such as taking care of the house. If I didn’t do my homework, I faced the consequences, not them. Yes, the teacher may have sent notes or called, but I would be the one with the lower grades and having to re-do the assignment.
Also, if I sit and do my daughter’s homework for her, how is this teaching her any responsibility and accountability? It was one thing in Preschool helping her with homework, since she couldn’t read very well. I helped her the three times she had homework in Kindergarten. But we’re in first grade now and it gets more demanding as she goes along. These kids have planners provided by the school in the first grade to keep track of homework and what is going on for the week.
I send her to her desk in her room to do it. She can do her homework and be done with it, or if she goofs off, she knows the consequences. At 8 pm, homework is done, no matter if she finished it or not. Her homework goes into her folder as is and she will have to explain it to her teacher tomorrow if its incomplete. She is the one who has to learn how to budget her time and complete her tasks. A few times of facing the consequences, and I think she will get it. And if I don’t start now, when will it end? Will I be doing her book reports for her? Will I be doing math homework? What happens when she gets to college and most likely I’m not there every day? I’d rather nip it in the bud now, rather than later.
This is how we raised our children, too. They both learned (the hard way) early on that they were on their own to get the work done. We did help if they got stuck on something (like a math problem) but that was it. Consequently, they have developed their own routine, which is what this is all about, isn’t it? They learn their subjects, and their learn self-discipline and organizational skills. That stuff is important!!
I started out helping with homework in kindergarten and slowing weaning my son off needing my help at all. Now, in 6th grade, he is a straight-A student in a Talented & Gifted Middle School, always does his homework (and I never know about it) and even asks teachers for extra credit assignments. Teaching him time management, self-motivation, and perseverance paid off. Besides, there’s NO WAY I could even check 6th grade math homework. It’s ridiculous!