The one ton oven in my driveway

I always thought it was cute to see the kids pretending to drive my van or my car. I remember as a kid, sitting in the driver’s seat myself, pretending to be cruising down the road at mach speed, checking out what switch did this or that. What button cranked up the radio or turned on the wipers. And while I think about the fun I had as a kid, I’m acutely aware of the danger my kids are in and therefore why none of them are allowed to play in our van anymore.

As cars have become more sophisticated, they have also become more dangerous. Kids can easily become trapped in them, unable to work the electronic locks when the doors close and small children are especially fascinated with checking out the inside of  a car.

I should know; I’ve been fighting with Peanut about it all summer. My radar would not be so high on this danger if I didn’t know Melody and Todd, who lost their nine month old son to hyperthermia after being left in a hot car. Just this weekend, another local Ohio family has lost one child and another in critical condition because they were able to get into a car to play. My heart goes out to this family as I know how easily it could be me.

I say that it could be me because Peanut loves to play in the van and I thought I was a smart mom by locking the doors with the remote key lock.  However, Peanut has found a way to outsmart me. You see, we had to have the back hatch to our van replaced as the lock itself was beginning to completely rust out. Once we replaced it with another door… I can’t lock the door with the remote lock anymore. This makes it easier for Peanut to get in. He simply lifts the latch on the back hatch and in he goes. Of course he can’t get it closed again so he’s not totally trapped but still. It has been Hot as Hades this summer and I know that he can still overheat easily and quickly as the van sits and the sun bakes down on the rolled up windows.

We’ve had time outs, spankings (yes. I spank. No I don’t care what you say about it. If giving my kid a smack on the butt keeps him out of the van so he doesn’t cook like a Thanksgiving Turkey then I’m going to do it), talks about getting stuck or too hot in the van (he insists I should just roll down the windows for him), threats, groundings, taking away toys and every other creative form of discipline I can come up with to keep him out. So far the most effective have been combinations of spankings, time outs, talks and losing privileges. He’s four so I’m limited in just how much of our talks are sinking in but he knows this much; I freak out when I catch him trying to get in the van and when mom freaks out; nothing good comes of it.

This year 29 children have died from being trapped in hot cars… and that’s not including what I may not have heard about on the news or the toddler I mentioned above. That’s just too many and while I know I can’t do anything to stop it, I share the same view as my friend Melody when telling you about my struggle with Peanut saves just one child, then I’ve done something good.

The thing I realize is that I’m very human and I make a lot of mistakes. Seven years ago when I commuted, I remember many days when I’d have my head so full of the day ahead that I’d be 3 minutes from work when I notice that Bebe and Shorty were still in the back of the van! The drive from home to the sitter’s house was only seven minutes long. It didn’t take my brain long to switch into work mode and start looking what lay ahead in my day. Do I think that I would have ever left the kids in the van while I was at work? I’d like to think No but I can’t tell you that with extreme certainty.

Many, many people will throw stones at the family who have suffered the loss of a child this way. They will call them bad parents, neglectful, abusive. I’d urge them not to. No amount of name calling and scolding, or even jail can measure what the families go through. Their lives are forever changed. A piece of their life is missing and each time they look at another child, they are reminded. They wonder what he or she would look like and what they would be like today. They hold a special kind of guilt that our normal daily missteps can’t even hold a candle to and we wouldn’t want it to.

I’ve passed judgement in the past too but I can’t anymore. Not when I’ve spent my summer disciplining Peanut and not since I’ve met Melody and Todd. I’m now so much more aware of how easy it would be for Peanut to be trapped. Each time I’ve caught Peanut trying to play in the van and entering through the hatch, I unlock and open the driver’s side door and am immediately choked by the heat that still hovers in the front of my van.

We still have plenty of hot steamy days ahead of us (and don’t be fooled. This can happen in temperate weather too), take the time to put your keys far out of your child’s reach. If you let them play outside and you can’t be right there with them, set a timer and check on them every 5 minutes or keep them indoors until someone can be outside with them. if you catch them playing in your car; don’t give them a gentle warning! Put the fear of God in them.

Don’t be afraid of being too harsh – you could be saving their life.

About Nichole Smith

Nichole Smith has written 311 posts on The Guilty Parent.

Founder of The Guilty Parent and Chaos in the Country (http://www.chaosinthecountry.com), Nichole is a writer, blogger, social media strategist, wife to one, mother to four and embracer of mommy guilt.

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