The term “Soccer Mom” has become sort of a universal, catch-all phrase for moms who drive their kids to various and sundry activities. They may call you a Soccer Mom, but you may, in fact, be a Baseball Mom, a Drama Club Mom, a Chess Club Mom, a Band Mom, a Football Mom or a Mom preceded by any activity that can be used as an adjective.
I have sat and listened to these [Adjective] Moms extoll the virtues and accomplishments of their kids in many places. Yes, I know, you are proud of your little darlings and you should be. Still, there is another kind of Mom in your midst, although you may not know it. Today I’m going to broaden your horizons in the [Adjective] Mom world by telling you about a species that you may have not known existed.
Meet “Nuttin’ Mom. . . as in nada, zippo, nuttin’ honey. This is the mom with a kid or kids who don’t want to do anything and can’t be forced into doing anything, death threats notwithstanding. I can see you shrink back in horror, but I can tell you with great authority that we exist. We? Yes, we. My name is Carla and I’m a Nuttin’ Mom. I’m coming out today to let you know about the plight we suffer and how to turn it into not suffering if you find yourself in the same nuttin’ game.
The suffering part
Do you know what it feels like to listen to all you [Adjective] Moms go on and on and on about your wise, wonderful and talented kids? I do. It hurts. It makes you question your ability as a mom. “Hey, her kids do all of THAT! Why won’t mine do anything? Where did I go wrong? WOE IS ME, I HAVE FAILED AS A MOM!!!” And then we mutter something about having to go to the bathroom before you ask the dreaded question. . . “So what are your kids involved in?” Does getting in trouble count? Does sleeping as many hours as possible count? Does eating everything in the fridge count? No, I didn’t think so. If you do get caught, you try and do your best side step out of it with something like, “Oh, they’re not involved in too much right now,” as you fervently pray you don’t get asked to expound upon previous accomplishments.
Now truth be told, my kids did try a few things. The little one took dance for a while. The boys played baseball for a season. One kid even had a successful year of band. I thought this one was the one who was going to break the pattern. HAH HAH HAH! He lost interest, as usual, and when he was ordered to stay with it, he intentionally messed up so badly that he got himself kicked out of the band. So there! [Insert raspberries here.] Nothing lasted. Nothing grabbed their interest long enough to do anything serious with anything, except for the aforementioned sleeping, eating and getting in trouble.
The not suffering part
Hey, you have to find the silver lining or you’ll go crazy more than once before they hit college. So here’s my benefit list for being a Nuttin’ Mom:
- I have much more time as I’m not schlepping them around to every Tom, Dick & Harry activity. Yep, I have much more time to work, make $$$ and go shopping so I can stock that fridge for them to empty at will.
- I use much less gas, once again, as I’m not dragging their sorry butts from game to game, competition to competition.
- There is much less wear and tear on the van for the same reasons.
- There is no money spent on uniforms or other equipment necessary to be a part of something.
- There is much less wear and tear on my throat from not having to brag about my kids.
So the next time you are sitting in a group of moms who are going on and on and on and on about their kids gazillion and one activities and accomplishments, don’t put your head down or make a mad dash for the ladies room. When the conversation comes around to you, you can proudly state that you, too, are an [Adjective] Mom. You’re a Nuttin’ Mom! Now you can tell them about those benefits you get. The most it’ll probably do is make them shut up and think about it for a few seconds, but that’ll be enough time for you to walk (run) out of there as a proud Nuttin’ Mom! Crying later is optional.
Carla Ives is a blogger/author/teacher/editor/Jill of all trades, master of a few. She studied history at Drexel University and still teaches it. . . occasionally. You can usually find her scribbling on her blog, The Reluctant WAHM or writing business promotional items at GhostWriteHer. She also hangs out on Facebook and Twitter while she attempts to figure out the far end of this thing called life. You can contact her via email at Carla@ghostwriteher.com.