He had been told repeatedly NOT TO SHOOT people. In the head. In the face. In the house. He repeatedly did not listen. I would take the gun away or I would take away the Nerf darts for a period of time and always with the promise that if he kept doing it, I would take the gun and smash it.
And then one day, I did. With a hammer. On our sidewalk. And he was mad. Eventually he got other Nerf guns (Christmas, birthdays, etc) but he never shot it at a person’s head or face again.
I made my point in a very serious and last resort kind of way. I had reached a point where me simply taking the Nerf gun away was not working. He wasn’t listening and I was tired of repeating myself.
The other day, I watched this dad, take a very similar approach to his own daughter’s disrespect and disobeying his rules.
It makes me smile. I can’t help it. Because in it, I can see a father that has tried everything else he could think of and he has finally had enough. And he makes no apologies for sticking to his guns (no pun intended) and teaching his daughter, a tough, albeit necessary, lesson: You cannot and will not disrespect your family, defy your parents’ rules and think that it’s okay to get away with it.
I know some probably won’t agree with me but I think we’ve reached a point in this society where parents care too much about being friends with their kids (self included… I don’t like to be the bad guy. Ever) than they are about parenting.
What happened to not being afraid to parent your child? What happened to not being afraid to discipline them? Or having the guts to follow through on discipline?
Have we really gotten that soft?
Unfortunately we’ve started to raise a generation of ungrateful, entitled people who don’t understand what it means to work hard, go without, or have respect for the people and things in their life. We think that if we give them a dose of their own medicine then we’re shaming or embarrassing them.
Embarrass them. Teach them that when they cross the line, disrespect their parents, and show a lack of appreciation for what they have then there are consequences. There are repercussions for disobeying and disrespecting (deliberately it would seem) their parents. If that results in uncomfortable, embarrassment then it’s justified (I think, anyway) because it’s not even close to how her parents must feel.
It concerns me though that we’re so quick to judge the father, call him out in the wrong but not the child. I get it; we’re touchy, feely parents now who worry about our children’s emotional well being and their delicate psyche (and yes, I worry about my children’s psyche too) but why aren’t we concerned that we’re going to turn out a generation of people who can’t function in society, think for themselves or value what it means to work hard and be proud of what you have?
I guess the reason that I feel so strongly that we’re putting undue judgement on this dad because I’ve seen my own kids’ friends (and even other family’s children) expect to be handed everything with little or no work on their part and what’s worse they have the nerve to rant unfair when their parents actually do say no. (A great example of this was just given to me by my daughter: A friend of hers sat in Language Arts class with her Kindle and proceeded to buy book after book. AT SCHOOL. Then turn to my daughter and say, “My mom will pay for it” with a shrug as if to suggest that it’s expected her mom will just be okay with her spending money without her knowledge or permission. Insert head scratching here.)
I think it IS about balance. About knowing and having confidence in your own skills as a parent and to know your own child well enough to say, “What I’m doing isn’t working. I have to step it up. Do something different. I have to reach him/her somehow.” I think that’s what this dad really wanted to do and after visiting his Facebook page, I firmly believe that he has only his daughter’s best interests in mind and that he truly cares what kind of an adult she grows up to be.
Even now when I think back, I didn’t enjoy smashing the Nerf gun and I doubt very seriously that this dad enjoyed shooting her laptop but at some point we actually have to start parenting and disciplining our kids and caring less about whether or not we’re the good guy or we’re the most liked parent, or if our kids have everything they want – because in the end, being the most liked, the most popular will not give them what they need.
Yes! It is so much about following through and delivering with parenting, both with the good AND the bad, right? No one enjoys destroying what we paid hard money for, but its about the principal. And responsibility.
I have a problem with the gun and shooting a perfectly good laptop instead of wiping the data (he was an IT specialist) and making her hand it over to a needy family who could never afford a computer of their own.
Christina Gleason @ Cutest Kid Ever´s last [type] ..Inspirational Story about Marriage that was Actually Horrifying