The Guilty Parent

You know how people accuse stay at home moms doing nothing but sitting around the house all day doing nothing but watching soap operas and eating Bon-bons?

Well… that’s me. Sorta.

Okay, a little bit. I don’t eat bon-bons. (I prefer a bowl of ice cream, yogurt, potato chips or my lunch if I haven’t had it yet).  I don’t sit ALL DAY while I’m watching, I normally fold clothes during my soap opera time or blog or research a new project.

Annnd…. I don’t watch them all. In fact, I only watch ABC and not all of them all the time. (more…)

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For almost a year now, I’ve been keeping a secret from all of you. If you talked to me at BlogHer, I may have told you about it but odds are, unless you asked… you didn’t know.

It’s always hard keeping a secret from my readers. It’s even harder keeping a secret from my blog friends; my sisters, but that’s what I’ve had to do.

Did I share this secret completely on my own? No, there were others who knew my secret, because it was their secret too.

Don’t panic. It’s not a bad secret.

I know how worried you all get.

In January I took a trip that would be the beginning of an amazing journey and venture, though at the time I didn’t know it.

Alright… enough with the suspense and mystery.

Today I’m happy, thrilled, ecstatic to announce that I’m now a Lifetime Mom!

What is a Lifetime Mom you ask?

You’re asking… I know it.

Well I, personally like to think that a Lifetime Mom is EVERY mom. I mean our job doesn’t and shouldn’t end when our children are grown and leave home… We are moms for life. The people at Lifetime television network and Lifetime digital recognize that and had a desire to create a site where moms can go to read what today’s moms are talking about. Lifetime has always been a voice for women everywhere and now they are representing us online as well. We’re passionate about parenting, our lives, our homes, our work and now we’re sharing it with you. We all have issues, struggles and things we are dealing with and Lifetime wanted to create a place to talk openly about it.

Honestly, I feel there is something for EVERY MOM at Lifetimemoms.com

Lifetimemoms.com is a collection of expert voices that are encouraging, open, candid and provocative all at the same time and we’re talking about everything from pregnancy and parenting to getting the most for your money, to looking good and feeling great!

Don’t believe me? Check out the Lifetime Moms Roll Call:

In the Parenting category we have yours truly (that’s me!) and Christine who owns From Dates to Diapers.

The Fit and Healthy category is written by Arriane from To Think is To Create.

Beauty and Style leaders are Audrey of Mom Generations and Erika of Chic Shopper Chick.

The Pregnancy category is written by Kim who comes to us directly from Lifetime.

Food is led by Lori who you know from My Wooden Spoon and A Cowboy’s Wife.

The Home category written by Katja from Skimabco Lifestyle.

Stephanie from Bizziemommy leads the Work category.

Just for Fun leaders are Lindsay of Rock and Roll Mama and Beth from Role Mommy.

Steals and Deals category is put together by Tara from Deal Seeking Mom and Alyssa of Keeping the Kingdom First.

Lastly we have Product Reviews written by Colleen from Classy Mommy.

There you have it, an amazing gathering of women who are in the know and have so much to offer and give to moms everywhere. For me the best part is that this is just an extension of The Guilty Parent. I am not going to stop blogging here. I’m not giving up my home, rather I’m welcoming new readers and moms into this home and sharing with you all a new place to read, not just me… BUT BY 13 OTHER AMAZING MOMS.

Being a part of this amazing group of women is more than this slacker could ever hope for. I’ve always thought that there are moms out there just like me and when I started blogging, I discovered I was right.

In a moment of self doubt and grumpiness, I was reminded of this by my best friend who has known me for over 16 years shared with me what she thinks of me and what I’m doing…

In Mardi’s own words:

What you do helps other people. Those of us who are less than perfect moms are happy to know that we are not alone and because of your blogs and advice we are able to feel part of an imperfect community.

I have to admit, I talk her ear off a lot about the blog and run ideas by her. In her defense she is not a blogger and probably never will be but I’m so blessed that she gets it. I’m so blessed that you all get it and that Lifetime gets it.

I would love it if you stopped by and visited us at Lifetime Moms. Say hello to all the moms and take some time to hear our voices and see what we’re talking about!

I’m no prude by any sense of the word. OK maybe I’ve never done what the three, wait. Four. Wait… five or so models in Calvin Klein’s Spring and Summer campaign ads are doing but I’m not a prude. I’ve been there, done that and have four kids to show for it.

Still, the latest jean advertisements to come from the famed and edgy fashion mogul Calvin Klein are more than enough to have me calling foul and wishing he’d develop an ad that actually made me want to buy CK jeans and not have me covering my eyes and my children’s eyes as well.

There are so many things wrong with the orgy-esque ads that I can’t even begin to verbalize them all so I’ve decided to just post my letter to Calvin Klein here:

Dear CK,

First let me say that you’re pretty damn awesome. I own some CK jeans and I’ve owned them in the past. My little girl also owns a pair of CK jeans and let me tell you, we’re both pretty pleased with how they look and how well they are made.

Having said that, did I mentio my little girl? She’s nine. Loves fashion and anything fashionable. She wants to be a trend setter. Already at the tender age of nine, she’s learning to sew, design, and make her own clothes. I’m pretty freaking proud because I know she didn’t get the love of fashion from me. The problem is that I really don’t want her taking after you or even seeing the CK brand as something to strive for. It’s not your success that I find fault with. It’s your advertising.

The thing is, because she’s nine, she’s entering a very impressionable phase. One that’s likely to last into her 20’s and maybe even her 30’s until she finds herself and her place in this world. I understand that it’s my job as her mother to help her grow and develop into a confident and self reliant woman but you make it damn hard with the indecent and subjective ads that have been released lately. I don’t know if you realize how hard it is to raise a girl with a positive self image lately so let me shine a little bit of light on it for you.

I spend my days teaching my daughter that beauty isn’t the only thing that matters in life. We talk about the changes that her body will go through in the near future and how those are beautiful things. We talk about how she owns her body, no one else does and how she should protect it.

Then I see your ads with young women openly engaging in what I can only assume is supposed to be an advertising campaign. If it weren’t for the fact that Calvin Klein Jeans is displayed in the bottom corner, I would swear that I was looking at the cover of an adult video. I realize that sex is supposed to sell but do you think that you could try to let the jeans sell themselves for a change instead of a group of young people who look like they should be tested at the nearest free clinic after a night of carefree, orgy-like make out sessions?

I don’t argue that you need to stay edgy to be in fashion but I do argue that you don’t need to put young people in precarious, inappropriate, and borderline obscene pictures and ads, all in the hopes of people buying jeans. I’m not sure what society you live in, but the one I live in involves trying to keep my daughter and even my sons from having the wrong image of women and sex. I’m trying to raise a lady, not a harlot.

You can write back and tell me that I can’t hold you responsible for the self image that my daughter will have of herself or that how my children view sex and women has nothing to do with you and the scantily clad young people in your ads but I disagree. I can only do so much and filter so much in their lives. They will go out into the world, they will pick up a magazine when I’m not looking, they will watch TV at their friends’ houses that I may not approve of. All of this will happen and I will do my best to deflect it when it comes into my home but I’m a realist. I know that the media has a strong hold on young people. It influences their purchasing decisions, it influences how they conduct themselves, how they see themselves and how they see others. A display that shows topless young people or half dressed young people participating in multi partner make out sessions will have an impact on them. Despite everything I tell, teach, preach and practice myself, they will see an ad like this and say, “Well if it’s out in public for everyone to see then it can’t be that bad.”

You as a business person and a brand, know how to influence people to buy your jeans. You’ve been good at it or you wouldn’t be so successful today. Unfortunately, you fall short on taking that reach and using it to influence young people, especially young women in a positive manner. It’s easier to throw some people together, have them take off most of their clothes, put young women in a questionable and possibly immoral situations and let people think what they will and you do it because it will get attention. It will likely sell jeans. However, it will also show young women who struggle with their identity, who struggle with being taken seriously in our society, who work hard to maintain a positive self image that you could care less about what mainstream society thinks of them or how they are treated and demoralized. You give the sick people of the world who act out against women permission to keep doing so and you demonstrate to generations of women that this is how they should look, this is how they should act, and this is what will get them noticed. And for what? The ability to market a product and make money.

I may not be able to change your mind, remove the ads, or even admit that that this choice of advertising is wrong. However, I can stop wearing your jeans and purchasing them for my household. Not because I am a mom and make the purchasing decisions for my household but because I am a woman and this kind of advertising does nothing for me. It doesn’t make me want to buy your jeans any faster than I want to stab my eyes out with a hot poker.

Am I boycotting your products?

Hardly.

I’m making an informed decision based on the advertising you’ve done to market your product. I don’t feel the campaign speaks to me in a way that is positive or makes me want to spend my money. Perhaps you should try another route for marketing your clothing other than soft porn because it’s been done and I wasn’t impressed then either.

Best,

Nichole Smith

Now I don’t know for sure if the ads have been pulled from billboards or not or if they will show up on cable channels this summer. I’ve read a number of articles and posts saying that they’ve been banned in America (the link shows the commercial spot. You have to click play to watch it but It’s definitely not safe for work or children) and then I’ve read some that are asking if they will be. Who knows.

What I do know is that even though sex sells in our society, advertising that continue to put women down and display them as nothing more than sex objects do nothing for me. It doesn’t make want to buy a product, take a trip or wear the clothes they are selling.

Wow me.

Make me stand up and take notice in a positive way. Make me feel positive about your product.

Don’t gross me out and make me wish my children, my daughter, lived in another world.

It’s not every day I get to go out without the kids to do something I really love. Back in the day (before kids and car seats) I used to go to a live concert every summer. The last time I went to one was when I was pregnant with Bug, so imagine how thrilled I was to get offered two tickets by One 2 One Network and bloggy pal Arianne (also the Director of Community Development for One 2 One) to see Diane Birch at the House of Blues in Cleveland on May 3rd. (Thrilled does not even begin to describe it, just so you know).

I only had to think for a nanosecond to know who I wanted to take with me – my sister, Chrissy was my first phone call. Admitedly she had heard of Diane but not really her music  so I told her to check out some of her tunes on the Diane Birch Music page at Myspace. However, Diane wasn’t the only treat to this venue, we also got the chance to see James Morrison as well (Yay!)

I love live music and so does my sister (becoming a mom hasn’t stopped her from seeing many great names in concert) and the last time we went to a concert together? Sheesh, that might of been when I was pregnant with Bug!

The show opened with a group called Parachute (a group we’d never heard of), whom my sister and I both thought were a great act to get us warmed up and ready for Diane. Their music was wonderful, toe tapping and the lyrics were catchy. Music you could walk away singing and not feel doomed because a song was stuck in your head.

When Diane hit the stage though, she lit the place up. I immediately fell in love with Diane’s soulful voice. Even though you get a good feel for her music and voice on her Myspace page, it’s nothing compared to listening to her live. When you listen to Diane, her voice washes over you. To me, Diane’s voice was a mix of the great Carol King and Natalie Maines (from the Dixie Chicks). I’m not sure why those two singers popped into my head when Diane began her set, but when I told Chrissy, she agreed and threw in Stevie Nicks as well. All powerhouse voices combined into one amazing artist! I could easily envision myself kicking back and unwinding to Diane’s singing and her masterful piano playing.

We stayed on to see James Morrison take the stage and crank out hit after hit. Unfortunately neither my sister nor I remembered a DECENT CAMERA so I snapped a couple of pictures with my BlackBerry but this one of James was the best among all of them. I love the House of Blues in Cleveland because the floor is totally open so you can move around as you please. We started out downstairs (where my really cruddy pictures were taken) and then moved upstairs to the balcony where shock! I could get a clear shot of James, if only I had gone upstairs while Diane was playing!

The music that night was the perfect escape for both of us (for two sisters who don’t get to “hang out” much anymore). Our only regrets were that we hadn’t brought cameras and that it was a Sunday night! We’re not as young as we used to be and getting up to get kids off to school reminded us of that!

I think I’m going to be in television drama bliss this fall.

Does anyone remember the movie Parenthood? Raise your hands, I know you do. Even though I was in my teens when the movie came out, I found it irreverent, funny, endearing and so true to what life might be like as a parent.

Fast forward about 10 years later and I have not been disappointed. I’ve often identified with the characters in the movie throughout the years, so much so in fact, that whenever the kids do something, how shall we say… Odd? That my sister and I will quote the movie by saying, “he likes to butt things with his head” (insert nod), “how proud you must be”. Classic.

I don’t think I could be any more excited then, to hear that Parenthood, one of my favorite movies is being reborn on the small screen as a drama to this fall’s line up on NBC.

You would think that it would be easy to take a role that millions of adults play every day and bring it to television successfully but it’s simply not true. I’ve watched ABC’s In the Motherhood, and I couldn’t be more disappointed. I had hopes of In the Motherhood becoming a “must see” program for me to watch but so far it’s been a “must skip” in my book. (My feelings on that show require a whole separate post that won’t be pretty or nice).

As for Parenthood though, I remain optimistic. The show is the dream child of Ron Howard (stop reading now if you don’t know who Ron Howard is. I can’t help you), Brian Grazer (24, Friday Night Lights) and writer Jason Katims of  Friday Night Lights. The cast is made up an amazing talent, from Craig T. Nelson and Dax Shepard (Zathura, Idocracy, Employee of the Month and Baby Mama) (Swoon), to Sam Jaeger (Eli Stone and Catch and Release) (double swoon), Maura Tierney (ER, Semi Pro, Diggers, and News Radio) and Peter Krause (Dirty, Sexy Money and Sports Night).

If the clips and interviews I watched hold true to what I expect the show to be, I’ll be laughing, crying and commiserating every week with the characters. I’m so psyched about Parenthood coming to NBC this fall, that I’ve started following them on Twitter, and became a fan on Facebook. I’m even considering giving readers a weekly recap of the show once it debuts (that’s optimism for ya!)

But I’d like you to make up your own mind about the show so I’ve provided you with the clip from their homepage on NBC.

What do you think? Is it going to be a hit or miss?

I’m telling ya, I say it’s a hit and it’s the closest thing I’ve seen to what us parents go through as we try to raise our children. There’s definitely something here for all parents, no matter where you are in your journey.

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